In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize