i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
