Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
