"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize