My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
