I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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