He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
