Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
