Sry I called you an 8
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
