I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I need water and some morals
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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