Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
