Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
