My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
