I wanna passion pit in your ass
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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