its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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