when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
