note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
