Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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