i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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