Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
