Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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