if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
