Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
