you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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