i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
