He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
