Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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