I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize