I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
