1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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