HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize