Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
