im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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