anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
