You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You know, be my cock's hype man.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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