Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize