Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
