if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize