You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
