she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
