i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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