Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
