The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
