Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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