i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
