I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
