I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
