I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
