I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
