She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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