Buhtt sex?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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