I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
