No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
