I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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