I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
