my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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