if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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