Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
