Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
