My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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