suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
