At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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