were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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