not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
