everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
