well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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